Drakulina

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Script

Scene One: Drakulina’s Castle (in the middle of town)

Drakulina is sitting behind the castle, reading Bram Stoker’s Dracula with fan turned on to create high winds and a stereo to create storm sounds.  Castle only comes up to Drakulina’s chest.  Jonathon approaches the castle with jacket pulled up to combat the wind.  He is having a hard time fighting the wind to get through.  He starts to crawl toward the castle.  He raps on door.
Drakulina gets on her knees to look through door hole.  When she sees Jonathon she pulls the castle up to let Jonathon inside.  Jonathon walks under the castle and stands next to Drakulina.  Jonathon continues to hold onto jacket. 
Jonathon: Good evening, Drakulina.
Drakulina: What?
Jonathon (a little louder): I said, Good evening, Drakulina!
Drakulina: What?  Oh, wait. (Holds up finger and picks up stereo to turn off thunderstorm noise.)  Sorry, dear Jonathon.  Welcome to my castle.  
Jonathon: You forgot your accent.
Drakulina: Oh dear, I did.  (Cough).  Better? (Jonathon nods) I hope you will find it to your liking?
Jonathon (looking around castle): Yes, it is quite…lovely.  But who are those people outside?
Drakulina (looks out): Oh, that is just the audience.  We ignore them.  
Jonathon: oh okay
Drakulina: I am to understand you would like to become a part of my blood staff?
Jonathon: Well, first I would like to know what exactly a blood staffer does.
Drakulina: I keep blood in my basement that I send to the Red Cross.  I need someone to make sure the blood stays at a certain temperature and when blood gets on the floor you will need to clean it off the floor.
Jonathon: And do what with it?
Drakulina: Put it back in the bottles of course.
Jonathon: Back in the bottles?  Are you mad?
Drakulina: Well, yes, just a little, but that is beside the point.  If you do this for me I will pay you a handsome stipend.
Jonathon: Well, I do need the money.  Alright, I will do it.  (They shake hands as a young lady enters the room.
Drakulina: Ah, here comes my trusted Mina.  She has been a house maiden here for many years.  Mina, my dear, this is Mr. Harker; he shall be joining our staff.  I hope you will find him amiable company.
Mina (smiling): It is lovely to meet you, Mr. Harker.  Drakulina’s castle is beautiful; although it can be hard to find if you walk too far past Starbuck’s.  I work upstairs in the kitchen and the bedrooms.  I clean.
Jonathon (struck by Mina’s beauty): It is lovely to meet you, Mina.  I do hope to become very acquainted with you.
Mina: Oh I am sure you will.  Most of the employees here have at one point or another.
Jonathon: Excuse me?
Mina: Oh, nothing.  Anyway, I shall let you men get back to your work.  It was nice to meet you.  (Exits)
Jonathon: My, what a lovely goddess.
Drakulina: Yes, she is and such a hard worker too.  Now, let me show you the basement, where the blood is kept.  (Turns to audience)  Will you be so kind as to close your eyes?
Scene ends.










Scene Two: Basement of Drakulina’s castle

Basement is filled with jars of blood and a torture rack on the wall.  Drakulina stands by blood and Jonathon stands across from her.)
Jonathon: So, this is where the blood is kept?  It is terrible cold down here,
Drakulina: Oh, sorry about that. (Walks to fan and turns it off)  What do you think?
Jonathon: Quite frightening.  What is that torture device with the person on it for?
Drakulina: Don’t mind him (walks to person and pokes it and in quiet voice says) He is not quite finished yet.
Jonathon: What was that?
Drakulina: Oh, I said, that is how he likes to sleep.
Jonathon: Very unusual.  Perhaps I will try to sleep like that sometime.
Drakulina: If you stay here long enough you will.
Jonathon: Splendid!  Now, show me what I should do with the blood.
Drakulina: You pick up a bottle and fill it with the blood that is coming from that tube.  (Points to the tube attached to the man.)
Jonathon: Sounds terribly hard.  Are you sure I will do it right?
Drakulina: (sighs) Yes, you dumbass you will.  I mean, yes, yes, you will do fine.
Jonathon: Alright then.  I shall get to work.  (He picks up a bottle from the table and puts it under the tube to fill it.)
Scene Ends






Scene Three: Jonathon and Mina; Next day

Jonathon enters the main room where Mina is sitting on the chair reading Bram Stoker’s Dracula.  She looks up at him and puts down the book.
Mina: Hello, Jonathon.  How are you this evening?
Jonathon: Delightful, thank you.  I see you are reading Dracula.  It is a terrible book.  As if vampires could exist and two people would be sucked in to fall under the vampires spell, fall in love and kill him in the end.
Mina: Very true, but I do love the woman’s character.  She is pretty and loving.  Her beauty is beyond compare.  (Describes own self’s look).  It is as if I know someone like her.
Jonathon: No one can be as beautiful as you are, my darling.  You are everything I have ever looked for in a mate.  You are a woman.  Stay with me forever!
Mina: Oh, yes, Jonathon!  I shall!  I shall!
Jonathon: We shall tell Drakulina at once.  Perhaps she can arrange a marriage for us right here.
Mina: Yes, let’s.  I am sure she will.  (She turns to the hall door)  Drakulina, could you come in here for a moment?
(Drakulina Enters)
Drakulina: Yes, Mina?  What is it?
Mina: Oh, Drakulina, Jonathon and I want to marry at once! (She puts her arm around Jonathon)
Drakulina:  And, what do you suppose you will do afterward?
Jonathon:  M-mina and I would like to move into our own place.  We will still be of service to you, but we will not live in the same house. 
Drakulina:  No!  No, that is out of the question.  I will not lose my Mina.  She is vital to this castle and to me.
Jonathon:  I know she is helpful to you, but can you not at least allow us to-
Drakulina: No!  She will never leave!  Now you will see what I really am (She turns and puts her fangs in.  Mina screams dramatically)
(Drakulina stares at Mina, making hissing noises, but does not move.  Mina continues to scream dramatically)
Jonathon (slaps Mina): Get a grip, woman!  Now, let’s go to the basement.  (He grabs her hand and they run to where the castle is standing.  Jonathon flips it over so they are in the basement.)
Mina: What are we going to do, Jonathon?
Jonathon: I don’t know, Mina, but we will find something.
Mina:  What about breaking the blood jars?
Jonathon: No, that won’t help.  They need it at the Red Cross.  We need something else.  (He makes it look like he’s thinking.
Mina: Wait a minute!  A steak!
Jonathon: A steak?
Mina: Yeah. A steak!  I have heard that vampires can be killed by a steak.
Jonathon:  You know that might just work.  (He pulls a steak out of his pocket)
Mina: Well, not exactly what I meant, but I guess it will have to do.  Wait a second, Why do you have a steak in your pocket?
Jonathon: I-I get hungry.  Here take it.  Oh, wait a minute.  (Takes bite out of steak and hands it to her)
Mina: Um thanks…I think.
Jonathon: No problem.  That was my lunch, but this is a better purpose.  (looks around) I heard something.  Here she comes.
(Drakulina enters)
Drakulina: Now why would you run from me?  This won’t hurt; not that much.
Jonathon: When she gets closer hit her with the steak.
(Mina nods.  Drakulina gets close to Mina and starts to bite her.  Mina hits Drakulina across the face with a steak.  Drakulina falls and Mina beats her with the steak.  Drakulina dies dramatically and her wig falls off.
Jonathon: Oh my God, you killed Christy!
Mina: “I admit the deed!  Here, here is the beating of the hideous heart.”
Jonathon (gasps): You bastard!
(Jonathon takes her in his arms )
Jonathon: I love you, Mina. (He closes into hug her and knocks her wig off.
Mina (Voice drops to low octave, making her sound like a man):  I love you too, Jonathon.
Jonathon: Oh my God, you’re a-a man?  (He picks up the steak and hits her with it, killing her.)  Oh well, I guess I will have to find another job now. 
(Exits)

THE END